Star--What!
by rambling raconteur
Summary: A humorous, honest account of the trio visiting Earth as ambassadors for the New Republic. AU, humor.
1. Chapter 1

**A rather silly idea popped into my head on the way back from school.**

**Thanks for reading!**

Star-What?!

By Cinquain

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"A new assignment."

General Rieekan switched the holoview on and the colored display hissed on. A relatively large planet came into view; very non-descriptively full of life world with brown, green and white continents and rich, blue seas.

"9932-4, or as it is known by the beings that inhabit it, Earth. Our first inter-galactic reach out, and we decided on this one because it happens to have intelligent humans evolved on it." the General debriefed curtly.

"How can that be?" Han Solo leaned forwards, frowning.

"A colony of primitive pre-sapiens came to Earth, but the differing conditions caused them to evolve at a much slower rate than us. So at this period their latest inventions are handheld computing devices, which they affectionately call 'smartphones'." Rieekan continued.

"As opposed to 'dumb-phones'?" Janson sniggered in the back row. Mon Mothma shot the Rogues a dark glare and they fell silent immediately.

"So what is the plan?" Luke asked calmly.

"Well, there are a few reasons of our decision. First of all, there is something suspicious about how similarly Earth and our galaxy has evolved. We suspect that there has been involvement from our galaxy, not just after the ancient colonists moved in hundreds of years ago. And, secondly, if the remnants of the Empire capture the planet, well that's just another 7 billion possible New Republic supporters brainwashed." Rieekan winced. Leia's face was blank, Han's skeptical, but Luke's eyes twinkled in interest.

"There ought to be some Force-sensitives on the planet," he mused out loud. Mon Mothma addressed him.

"Be careful, Jedi Skywalker. These people likely have no idea of our own existence. They may not take your abilities well at first."

"Of course," Luke nodded, but he still looked happy. "How wonderful it will be to take students untainted by our past..."

"Back to the topic," Rieekan continued. "We will need only a few ambassadors to take the trip: we don't want them to feel like they are being taken over or attacked. We have been trying to decide who should go; this is why we have gathered-"

"I'll go."

The room's attention turned, surprised, to Leia Organa Solo. Mon Mothma stared at her in disbelief.

"As Chief of State, this is putting our whole Republic at risk, and..." the old man winced, speaking in a lower tone meant for only her ears. "Lelila, we can't afford to lose you."

"I want to explore this possibility firsthand," the former princess said firmly. "I think it would be very esteeming for our image if the leader of the galaxy came to visit."

"Too dangerous, Leia," Mon countered, finding her voice. "We do not know what they are like, these beings-"

"I'm going too." Han spoke up sharply. Rieekan and Mothma's gaze fell on the couple seated together on the bench, their hands firmly entwined in a show of adamancy.

"And I."

Rieekan, Mothma, and the whole meeting chamber regarded them with mixed emotions, mostly consisting of admiration, amusement, disbelief, jealousy, and in Mothma's case, exasperation. She massaged her temples, having once thought that she had washed her hands of the trio's unpredictable acts when the Empire was broken. Apparently not.

"Fine," she huffed, and another wave of shock rode through the room at the sight of Mon Mothma, _defeated_. It was unbelievable. "You three may go. Rogues, if you would escort-"

"No, no," Luke interjected quickly, his voice almost apologetic. "Like you said, they'll feel intimidated."

"Fine, fine!" she snapped, waving her hand at them in dismissal. "The briefing will be tomorrow at 0630 and you will leave right afterwards. Meeting is adjourned."

The people filed out of the chamber, murmuring to themselves about the multiple revelations when Luke, Han, and Leia drew up to the front desk.

"I'm sorry, Mon," Leia said honestly. "But something is drawing me in. I have to go, and anyways, I am quite used to diplomacy and have been an ambassa-"

"No need, Lelila," Rieekan sighed, himself also drained. Mon Mothma shook her head.

"You've been chosen. Now get out of my sight before I change my mind." she snapped uncharacteristically. The three scurried away quickly, leaving the two New Republic leaders slumped at the front podium.

"They're like children, Carlist, children." Mon spoke after a moment. "Impossible."

"It's certainly amusing," Rieekan remarked, gathering his things in his bookbag. Mothma got up and did the same.

"Amusing?" she sputtered.

"None of the three have ever had a true childhood, Mon," he said gently.

"Well, I know Leia hasn't, learning diplomacy since age ten," Mon snapped. "But Skywalker? Solo?"

"Skywalker worked on his uncle's moisture farm, isolated in fear that he may follow the path of Darth Vader and the Sith. Han Solo was an orphan since a very young age, working and taken advantage as child labor until he broke free as a teenager into the life of a smuggler with the Wookie."

Mothma regarded Rieekan in mild surprise.

"What I am trying to say, is that we should let them be."

"They are still young," Mon allowed, pushing her chair in. She placed a hand on Carlist's shoulder, for a moment quite a motherly figure. "That is why I am afraid."

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**Reviews? **

**Oh, and a side note if you really want to know: I experimented with Mon Mothma, and she ended up someone that I really wanted to work with, because the whole series doesn't really reference her that much, yet she is such an important figure. She ended up really kind of admirable by heart, even though the movies and stories and fanfiction always depict her as a no-nonsense crabby woman.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading/reviewing! :)**

**Chapter 2**

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"You do the talking."

Leia gritted her teeth at Han as the ship touched down. Luke shook his head amusedly as they stepped down the gangplank and onto the surface of Earth for the first time.

"It's...remarkably normal." Han wrinkled his nose distastefully. Luke walked around the thinly veiled forest-area, studying the flora and fauna. Leia peered around for a sign of human life. The hair on the back of her neck rose suddenly, and she whipped around, blaster in hand, which was now pointed at a shocked young girl.

Luke had apparently sensed her too, as his lightsaber was in his hand but not ignited. She gave a strangled squeak of surprise but stayed rooted to the spot.

"Put your hands where we can see them." Han snapped at her, but Leia lowered her blaster and glared at him.

"She's only a child."

"I've known a lot of kids capable of murder."

"M-murder?" she stammered, eyes wide. "I don't have any weapons on me, don't worry. All I have is a Nerf gun-"

"Gun?!" he cried.

"It's a toy-a toy gun! I don't even have it with me, calm down, Han."

Leia stiffened, eyes widening, and Han nearly pulled the trigger. Luke, however, gave a tiny smile. The girl trembled in confusion and drew back.

"I-I mean Harrison?" she stuttered uncertainly. "Mr. Ford? Sir?" She seemed close to tears now, mumbling softly about how this was_ just not possible_.

"How did you know my name, and who is this Mr. Ford?" Han Solo spoke in his most low, dangerous voice, and Leia winced inwardly, wanting to stop him but not knowing what to do.

"You're...you're Han Solo. C-captain of the Millennium Falcon...General of the Rebel Alliance and the New Republic. Partner of Leia Organa, romantically engaged since The Empire Strikes Back, number five, that is, though I overall try to pretend that the prequels don't exist at all so maybe only the second..." she blabbered on, shaking in her nervousness. "Portrayed by actor Harrison Ford, born July 13 1942, working as a carpenter before his big break in...well you know, and going on to star in many movies including the popular_ Indiana Jones_ series and the much-less admired fail-flick _Cowboys VS Aliens_." She drew a deep, shaky breath, hands clutching her knee-length orange dress. "Sorry about that."

The trio were speechless and spooked.

"How do you know him if you have lived in a whole different galaxy?" Luke asked, a lot gentler than Han's take on interrogation. He waved a hand in Han's direction and he lowered the gun grudgingly. She blinked at him with relief.

"Star Wars, obviously, Luke."

Leia had watched this exchange with quiet wonder. She finally spoke up.

"Do...you know who I am?"

"Princess Leia Organa, maam," her brown eyes widened into large, dark orbs of excitement and admiration. "Oh, of _course. _The least cliche princess in all of history." She smiled widely before faltering at realizing what she said. "Oh, I mean..."

"It's fine," she responded with a tenderness that surprised herself. "Who are you?"

"Ah," she shifted uncomfortably in her shoes. "Genevieve. Ginny Simms."

"Ginny," Luke questioned her firmly. "Please explain how you know all about the three of us. Do you know anyone else from our place?"

"Artoo-Detoo," she named off evenly. "See-Threepio. Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Shmi Skywalker, Chewbacca, Obi Wan Kenobi-"

"Okay, okay, but how did you know about us all?" Han cut her off impatiently.

"Huh?" Her eyebrows jumped up her forehead in disbelief. "Star Wars, of course."

* * *

"Star-what?!"

"S-star Wars." Ginny looked at each of their utterly confounded faces. "The movies?"

"Movies?!" Han sputtered, face flushing. "There are _movies_ about us?"

"Yes. The most famous space-opera series of all time!" she started off again, but this time no one stopped her. "First movie, number four in the series but really produced first, A New Hope, came out in the year 1977, about heroes Luke Skywalker and Han Solo rescuing the Princess of Alderaan from the Death Star and destroying it before it can demolish any other planets other than Leia's home planet. Second movie, number five, Empire Strikes Back, about how the Empire, well, striked back against the Rebels. Luke found out that Darth Vader is his daddy-o and the romance between Han and Leia truly bloomed." She swooned slightly before remembering her company and blushing a furiously deep pink. "Um, oh, and Han gets encased in carbonite, sent to the sack-of-crap Jabba the Hutt. Third movie, number six, they find Han, kill Jabs and his fellows, defeat Death Star 2.0, and Palpy dies. Vader turns good and they have a happy party with their coworkers of the battle, fuzzy two-foot tall teddy bears called Ewoks. The end. You guys don't really show up at all in the first three of the series, except when you two are born.

"Well, how'd you identify us?"

"You...you look like them." she blinked at them. "Which is the most ridiculous of this whole thing because the actors are now in their sixties and seventies and you guys are barely half their age."

"I'm really Han Solo," he growled. "Not some Earth-man twice as old as me."

She groaned softly, hand over her face as she leaned back against a tree. "Impossible, impossible."

"It is possible." Leia assured her with a small smile.

"What...are you doing here?" She looked up at them from between her fingers, almost fearful of the answer.

"We want to make Earth allied with the New Republic."

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	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for reading/reviewing! :) This one's definitely longer.**

**Chapter 3**

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"You can't just walk around in those clothes and hair."

Ginny pulled a cell phone from her pocket, dialing a number. Luke peered with interest at the device. She spoke as the phone waited for the other end to pick up.

"We'll have to go shopping," she mumbled. "But...I don't have enough money..."

"Not to worry about that," Leia interjected. "We have a stack of...American dollars? I think a thousand dollars in different denominations."

"Yes, good." She straightened slightly as the phone was answered. "Yes? Yeah, mom. I'm at the park. Hey, I met a couple of my friends, and we're going to Target. No, we aren't going to buy anything. Just slushies. Yes, yes mom. _Mom_, I'm thirteen! Well, yeah by a month, but I can take care of myself. Alright. See you. Bye." She put the phone back in her pocket, and turned to the trio who was listening to the exchange.

"What's Target?"

"Oh, a store. Sells everything. Clothes aren't designer or anything like that, but we can't afford anything like that of course," Ginny lead the way out of the park when she stopped, turning around to frown at the largely conspicuous Falcon against the trees and grass. "Hey, what are we going to do about the Falcon?"

"Oh," Han jumped slightly, jogging back towards the ship. "I have a reflecting camoshield. Shows what's under her and looks like nothing from above." He reached up at the Falcon's hull and pressed a series of buttons, taking a small remote and tucking it into a vest pocket. The ship wavered before suddenly disappearing into the background.

"It's more of a problem about if people go to it by land and walk into it or something," Ginny reminded him, biting her lip.

"Is this place traversed often?" Luke prodded. The girl gave a small shake of her head in disbelief.

"I forgot. This place...you're not supposed to walk here," Her cheeks reddened slightly. "Potholes, poisonous plants, dangerous animals." She gave a sheepish grin. "Watch where you walk."

"Then why are you here?" Leia reprimanded almost automatically.

"I know my way around," she said a bit desperately, looking for approval from her greatest heroes and heroine. "My brother and I used to explore around here all the time until he...until he got deployed." Luke immediately sensed sadness and fear wash over her, and he smiled encouragingly.

"Oh well, it's a good thing she was here or else we'd probably be mobbed because of our moderate fame." He cracked. Ginny gaped at him.

"'Moderate fame'? Luke, you guys are known by everyone! If you walked out like that-" she waved her hands at their entirety. "You'd be completely mobbed by cameras and paparazzi and probably be called a fake anyways."

"We don't want to be followed."

"Earth doesn't know the meaning of privacy, especially for celebrities." Genevieve said ominously.

"Well if the Falcon's fine, then let's get going," Leia interjected firmly. Ginny nodded and started to lead them down a narrow dirt path winding through the thick undergrowth.

"Few questions," Ginny spoke up as they trekked up the hilly land. "How'd you get ahold of the money?"

"We've had a few travelers from our galaxy here come undercover and take notes and samples," Leia answered. "Replicated it."

"Horrible security measures," Han snorted. "'Watermarks'?"

"Well what does your currency have then?" she asked defensively. Han sniffed dismissively.

"Holograms when shone on by special lights," he listed off. "Can't be counterfeited. DNA, like actual stuff from a specific animal kept in a safe."

"Ick, your money has animal crap on it?" she scoffed.

"Corellian money does!" Han practically snarled. "And not crap!"

"Pee?"

Both Leia, Luke, and Ginny laughed openly at Han Solo's obvious displeasure.

"Um, but how can you speak English?" Ginny asked. "It's impossible, isn't it? We're from entirely different galaxies."

"One of the reasons we came here," Luke said. "We suspect involvement from our galaxy. Possibly the Empire."

"Oh, those scum," Ginny curled her lip distastefully. "Emperor's dead, right?"

"Yeah," Han mumbled. "This is so weird."

"What?" They stepped out onto the path and she took a left towards a large white and red building in the distance.

"You know everything."

"Everything about Star Wars, yeah," she said.

"But, who made the movie?" Luke asked after a moment. "How did they know about us?"

"George Lucas wrote the storyline," Ginny said. The hot NorCal sun beat fiercely down on their necks as they left the shade into the clear sky. Leia and Han looked uncomfortable, but Luke seemed to almost savor the stifling, triple-digit heat.

"Hm." Han frowned. "Maybe some people back from our galaxy had a say in it."

"But it was made 36 years ago!" she sputtered.

"Ugh, forget about this stuff." Han waved a dismissive hand. They turned the corner, and suddenly Target loomed above them.

"Hey, um, Your Highness?" Ginny paused before going in. "You should probably take your hair down."

"Call me Leia," she corrected her, pulling pins and undoing hairties until her kinked hair fell down her back.

"Stay low," Ginny advised as the automatic door shuddered open and a blast of air hit them, causing the three to jump in surprise. "You don't want anyone recognizing you. Nobody really comes at 10 AM on a Sunday, so it shouldn't be too difficult."

Ginny lead the way confidently into the store, flip-flops slapping loudly in the silence. The three followed a bit more timidly, looking around curiously. The store was relatively small compared to the usual Target, as the town was comparatively small also. She lead the way to the clothes sections, and soon the three scattered amongst the different racks. "Get enough clothes, maybe at least three different outfits." Ginny had advised wisely.

At first she wavered on who to follow when she finally decided to tag along with Leia as the men paired up, flipping through the hangers.

"Do you mind?" she asked uncertainly, afraid that the Leia Organa that she had seen onscreen would strike with cold rejection. But she merely smiled at her and nodded.

"This is amazing," she said softly. "You don't know how impossible this seems right now, yet-"

"Well, I'm right here." Leia picked a t-shirt, a small amused smile on her face.

"I thought...I'd never think you'd be like..." her cheeks reddened and she trailed off.

"What?" she asked.

"This nice." she blushed furiously. "You were so no-nonsense and cold in the movies. I hope I didn't offend you, I didn't mean to, of course." she added nervously, but she only chuckled.

"I haven't had much time to be nice during the Rebellion and all, have I?" the princess chose a pair of jean shorts, testing them for size against her body.

"I guess not."

Ginny looked at the tag. "You sure are petite," she commented half to herself, marching off to look for some casual clothing. "Sorry! I don't know what's gotten into me..."

"No, no, it's nothing." she shook her head, smiling.

Soon Leia had chosen a few pieces of clothing and a couple of shoes. "An informal pair and a formal one. Sandals and flip-flops are a best bet, it's so hot."

They met the others in the men's section. Luke held a good amount of practical clothes while Han had only one shirt and cargo shorts.

"You have _nothing_?" Leia commented, half exasperated, half amused. She patted his shoulder, diving into the racks with Ginny. She found a blue polo shirt and held it up appreciatively against Han.

"Nope, I'm not wearing that." he objected sharply.

"You _are_ wearing this, Han Solo." she reprimanded firmly, shoving it into his indignant arms before continuing to search. He protested but was quickly stopped short as the princess whirled around with the all-too-familiar evil eye.

"This generous young woman offered to help us by bringing us here to get new clothes. Now if you'd cooperate we can get out of here with minimal pain." she snarled. Han mumbled about 'minimal pain', and Ginny stood uncomfortably at her mentioning in the disagreement between the two. Luke leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"Happens all the time," he assured her with a goodnatured wink. "You'll get used to it."

Eventually they had all chosen the right apparel and had tried them on. Ginny picked up a few bits of makeup for Leia.

However before they paid for their items Ginny steered them to the electronics section. She quickly chose a prepaid phone, the cheapest 'dumbphone' available, and set up the contract for a month. She gave the three a crash course on how to operate it, and they were off to checkout. Though they got a few puzzled looks by the cashier, it mostly went smoothly and the three changed in the bathrooms.

They emerged in their Earth-clothes, Han looking rather uncomfortable, Luke the opposite in his loose short-sleeves and knee cargoes. Leia looked like just another citizen of Earth with new makeup and a simple summer dress.

"Perfect," Ginny sighed in relief as the four began walking back towards the Falcon. They had spent one and a half hours shopping, and she knew that she would get in trouble if she did not get home soon.

"Thank you so much for helping us," Luke said wholeheartedly. "We don't know what we would have done-"

"Oh, my pleasure," she laughed, cheeks pinking. "Seriously. Very much my pleasure."

She showed them back to their ship and they began boarding.

"Don't forget to keep quiet!" she called. "Call me at 9:30 AM, that's 0930 hours, it says on the phone. Bye!"

They waved her off, and Ginny rushed home on her bicycle the way she had a few hours before. She burst with excitement, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to tell anybody.

Or yet, as she hoped.

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